Some of the members of Heretic Dinofox, concerned about DMR's mental state, suggested that he keep blogs about his mental thoughts and feelings. Though he initially was reluctant to write these up, after the events of Havin IV, he made the choice to start creating them. However, he has not shared them with the rest of the team, sort of defeating the initial reason behind them.
Peace, is what most people dream of. However, only the dead know what peace is. For everyone else, being alive is like Hell. I've seen people I've gotten to know very well be torn in half, burned alive, just die in the worst ways possible. This team, Heretic Dinofox, is just the latest group of people I've gotten to know. We have had some close calls, and the Chat and their allies have thrown a lot at us. On the outside, I will not buckle, I will not break, I will continue to be straight faced and strong. On the inside, my years of combat are eating away at me, my sanity is all but gone. I don't know how much longer I can keep my mask intact. But, I do know that Chat will fall... even if it means falling as well. End log
I'm still recovering from my wounds with the last fight we had with the Legion, those bastards almost killed me and destroyed my F-35. The fleet took heavy losses but we damaged a lot of their star ships. Now, Fox has convinced B.H to work with us. Is he for real?!? His team has tried to kill me, and the rest of the team, on more then one occasion. And that hutt guy... I swear I'm going to rip his head right off his body. I hate the Chat with a burning passion, but it's going to be a hard pill to swallow if now I have to work with the Legion. I would not be surprised if B.H and his minions did not turn on us and try to kill us once and for all. I'll keep my eyes on them and my sidearm close by. Shit... it looks like Fox and the rest of them need me for something. End Log
I shot Fox. I shot Fox. I shot my commanding officer Fox McCloud. General Scars grabbed him and I had to put a bullet in Fox so I could kill the general. Fox survived but I was horrified with my decision. We have won the battle for now but the Chat and Sharp-Yar will be back in force to kill us and take those relics. Our fleets took heavy losses and our ground troops are exhausted. I snapped today, I don’t even remembered what happened but one of my SEALs said I just starting shooting every enemy in sight, sometimes with imaginary bullets because I refused to reload my weapon. Though I feel mentally unprepared for combat, I know my team needs me. I wish those voices would stop telling me I’m a failure. They [the voices] asked me what is more important, the mission or my family? I still don’t know that answer. End Log
Read more: Saurian Ceti IV crisis
The Chat have found our fortress amongst the stars. They amassed a fleet of over 500 warships, and proceeded to attack our moon base, where we kept our prisoners, and the defense fleet. Though we took out over 100 of their ships, they wiped out the Resistance fleet and raided the prison. Commander Heathcliff took Forerunner and Vidmas7er aboard his ship, The Hecate for same keeping. Fox was stationed at Gamma, getting ready for the next assault wave of the Chat. Commander Heathcliff took Jess, Stars, the rest of the SEALS, and me onto his personal ship and we left the planet. After I raised my gun at him, and ordered him to take us back, did he give us a pelican to go back and help Fox. He’s going to set up a ring of nukes and when we all get of Yoth, he’s going to blow them all up. My mask came off today, though it was briefly. I demanded to go back and get Fox before we left. If it wasn’t for Jess, Heathcliff and I probably would have killed eachother. I’m going to end that here, sensors picked up enemy transports coming into Yoth. Time to make one final stand. I hope we get out of here in one piece. Hehe, "we", when did I stop caring only about myself? End Log
Read more: Fall of Yoth
A lot has happened over the past two weeks. I escaped Yoth by the skin of my teeth with the rest of Dinofox and Heathcliff aboard The Hecate. Once we had lost the Chat, we then got thrown onto the planet of Gaeto to help get rid of the Chat presence. However, thick fog and piss poor intel led to the operation almost being a bust. Worse, I was nearly killed when I tried to save fucking Jess. The Admin Karl blew me open with a shotgun and then after he almost killed Jess, he left a spike grenade for us. I don’t know what came over me but for some reason, I jumped onto Jess to protect her from the blast. Though its taken some time to heal, I’m ready to go back into the fray. Heathcliff as a lead on Miku, and I’m not going to pass that up. End Log
Read more: The Ambush at Gaeto
This is a mental log, since I've been taken prisoner by Commander Heathcliff. Asshole doesn't want me jumping ship, he says he "needs me for his plans". All I know is I'm going to murder him the first chance I get, and I am certainly not going to help in his plans. He's probably going to get me to try and kill Miku, she can wait, first, I need to kill him first. I know Miku has caused a lot of my anger and pain, but they will be another chance to kill her. I still need to break out of here, but I think Heathcliff underestimates me, and that will be his downfall. I will not stop until I'm dead, even if it means having to go rogue myself. I just hope if the rest of Heretic Dinofox shows up, he doesn't fool them. He got me, but now it's my turn to fuck him up. End Log
Read more: The Hunt for Commander Heathcliff
We have just left Catoonie after our battle with Heathcliff. He escaped, that coward, and left the system after his forces where getting their asses kicked. Knightmare also got away but destroyed Miku before Heathcliff could get her. Even if Miku is Heathcliff’s sister, I’m starting to wonder if there is even a “Miku”. Hell, after working with Karl, I don’t even know what side or who I’m really fighting. For so many years, I had this anger against the Chat, and now I just fill empty. Jess has told me no matter what I do, I can’t bring my parents back, nor fill the whole in my heart. If that’s the truth, then what am I really fighting for? End Log
We have finally escaped Eafth and are now making our way towards Gaeto. After everything today though, I don't know exactly how to feel about the Chat. Ever since that dark day on New Naboo, I've spent my entire life training and preparing to bring them down. Every action, every thought was for one goal, to destroy the Chat's world like they did mine. Yet, now I have to work with some of the very same people who destroyed everything I loved. Karl might be my ally for now, but I will make him pay once all is sent and done. As for Ultra Force and Wilc0, I'll hold my tongue but I'll keep an eye on them. This new alliance is going to be shaky, but I hope it works. However, after what Heathcliff did, I am still very wiry about trusting new people, especially those who have tried to kill me in the past. End Log
She's gone, I can't believe someone took her. A second bomb went off and once all the smoke was clear, all I found was her cracked helmet. Jess is out there somewhere, and I'm going to find her. I guess this puts me in the same boat as Heathcliff, though now he is telling me not to be like him. He keeps calling me "Tyler", though he's been dead for years, but that has got be wondering, is Heathcliff his real name? Could there be something more he is still hiding from us? I guess those questions will be answered in time, but for now, all I care about is getting Jess back, alive. I can remember her telling me to find something to fill the hole in my heart left by the death of my family, and I think I just found it. Jess, I promise you, I will bring you back home safe and sound, and make those responsible for this pay. End Log
Read More: Delegation on Gaeto
Journal 10 Edit
Jess is back, and I haven’t felt this complete, this human since I was a little boy back on New Naboo. Even the name DMR seems weird now; I think it’s time I embraced the name my family gave me, Tyler Alshwind. It will be awhile before I get back to fighting, Jess needs to heal both physically and mentally, and I need to discover who I really am as a person. Who is Tyler Alshwind, this person I haven’t been for more then twenty years? I need to figure out what I want, before I can go help others get what they want. End Log
This was my first time being on an operation with other people in... well it's been a long time. The mission its self was not too big of a challenge; we had to grab some dip shit Chat Ranger who was selling information about Resistance and Republic activity. Heck, we even got a new teammate, a merc by the name of Talot. He's a big fellow, and he's been around the block a few times, but considering he did want to blow us all up with a nuke, I'll have to keep an eye on him. It feels weird being called "Tyler" but it helps that everyone seems to be on the same boat; trying to get me to get rid of the mask once and for all, and become someone else, someone better. That's all I got time for, we got another mission coming up, and with Jess finally back in the fight and the chance to take out a Chat Admin, I'm not going to miss this. End Log.
Read more: Investigation on Koraulak
I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you, and though I was never close to Edward, I can understand what Megan is going through. When Jess was taken away, I felt an emptyness in my heart that wasn't filled until I rescued her; I don't know what Megan will use to fill her hole. However, I know the girl, and within a week, she will be back on her feet, partying and doing everything in her power to get our minds off of war. Today was a success, no matter how bad we feel. Bravado and Spartan are dead, and Edward's death does not change that fact. His loss hurts, but his death would have hurt more if it was in vein. End Log.
Read more: Attack on Dark Oculus
I wish all operations could go as smooth as this. We grabbed Haloprov after he tried to attack Beta Maximus 35b and unlike the last operation, we didn't lose anyone important. I probably should make sure Jess doesn't see this, as me calling our foot soldiers "Not important" would upset her. However, after losing Edward, we needed an mission to go successful like this. One thing I can't shake is how much Talot reminds me of my old self, back when I was DMR. Hate flows through his veins like blood, and I have tried so hard to not become that... again. I know why Jess wants to head the interrogation of Halo, but I wanted mind seeing Talot break a few of his bones along the way. End Log.
Read more: Counter Attack on Beta Maximus 35b
I haven't been this angry at someone in a long time, and my anger at Trol' reminds me of my feuds with Heathcliff, though he never hurt Jess. He said his plan to carpet bomb cities was a bluff, but the fact he didn't tell us makes me angry. Add that in with the fact he hurt Jess and thinks we can't hold our own in battle, I'm ready to break that fuckers neck. Of course Jess will tell me not to do that, and I'll listen, but one more fuck up and I'll show him why Field Marshall holds me in such high regards even if I am a simple human. Jess seems to be recovering, so I'm going to spend my time with her. End Long.
The fighting over Gaeto has finally stopped, and we can know relax after a long day. Haloprov escaped, and word going around is Knightmare is back with a vengeance, as he attacked other Republic planets all over the galaxy. I keep thinking about what Trol' said, and how I am weak because I am only a human, unlike him being a giant alien. I know I have limits, but that is why I train everyday, to make myself better for every fight. With these new force soldiers I keep having to fight, I know there is still room for improvement, but I know one day I will get there. And when that day comes, all my enemies better watch out, because then there will be no one who will be able to stop me. End Long.
Read more: Battle of Turesta
I never thought I would see Knightmare again, but there he was in the flesh. Well, I shouldn't say "flesh", more like metal. Whatever stuff that guy is covered in, its tough because between Megan, Jess, and I all laying into him, I think we just tickled him. The worse part about it was he just toyed with his, that giant sword of his just out as his soldiers shot at us, trying to prevent us from escaping with the intel. It was a successful op, and I'm hungry to use what we just stole to really do a number on the Chat. But now that he is back, I have the feeling its going to be a lot tougher, and we should expect more losses, maybe even another Edward or two. End Log.
Read more: Operation Retribution
We just finished our initial assault on New Haven and my mission wasn't too hard; Visius and I killed a Chat Admiral and swiped her hard drive. However, I had to put a password on these logs because some asshole [Talot] thought it would be okay to read them. I'm not mad because he read them, I'm upset that I can't have anything to myself. Oh, and I get to watch Visius try and chase Megan. That should be fun, though I hope she does not break his heart too much. It looks like this will be it for this log, Jess needs assistance tracking down Uvok, who has been dark for over twelve hours. End Log
Read more: Battle of New Haven